Category: Dating and Relationships
Can I give him what he really needs,? or am I just fooling myself?
Is it a stupid idea to even try?
I feel inadiquat sometimes.
Here's the situation. I try to find out what my partner really wants and needs out of this union, and I try very hard to please him, but there are times when I feel that I fail in some areas.
I'm unsure as to how to handle this? I don't know if I should even put this on here, but I wonder if I'm not the only one?My partner tells me that I do, make him happy, but sometimes I truely wonder? Is it my own insecurities, in that, I do try to please him so, or are there areas that I could improve in?
So, any suggestions/advice would be appriciated.
Why dont you ask him and yes, I'd say your insecurities are very defintely causing you to blow this all out of proportion, talk to the guy and really listen.
Hmm, not that I'm the expert at these things, far from it. But generally, you can only be yourself and you can't pretend to be someone else entirely to please your partner, if you're too far apart may be things are not working. I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything for him but he has to love you for who you are, not for a person that you're trying to be for him. Nobody's perfect, we all know that, but accepting the fact you may not like everything your partner is or reepresents is really what love is all abaout and just your partner's efforts trying to make you happy should be sufficient to make you happy even if he/she isn't doing it 100% right, what is better than knowing someone loves you enough to go out of the way for you and do little things to make you happy, make you a sanwich when you go to work, give you a massage, make you tea, if you do not appreciate these things or feel they're not enough there's something more fundamentally wrong with the picture. Everyone goes thorugh spells of hard times in a relationship and may be this isn't anything perminant, one of you could just be going through hard times and you might be misinterpreting the signs. From your posts on here either he's grown distant from you (the lack of I love yous) or you're just going through tricky times (room mate post) and you feel negative about everything right now. HOpefully it's the latter. We all feel inadequate at times, sometimes more so than others, and during those times it seems like nothing we do is good enough, but it's just something we have to go through and usually those spells don't last very long.
I think you're fine, just relax and try not to worry so much, if he tells you he's happy he most likely is.
Crystal Rain, the only advice I can give you is to stop trying so hard to please him. I know this is easier said than done, but think about this for a second: He fell in love with you for a reason, right? Presumably he liked the person you are, right? Now if you are trying to hard to please him, you will in the process completely deny yourself. It will change your personality, and from the strong, independent, self-assured person you were (or at least seemed to him, to a degree which he liked) you'll become a wallflower, a push-over, without your own ideas and desires and quirks and personalities because your denying those to yourself in the interest of pleasing him. So, by trying to please him, you're taking away what he fell in love with in the first place. And how could *that* possibly please him? It's a catch-22 that you couldn't possibly win, so be who you are, don't deny what bubbles up in you, and that gives you the greatest chance of pleasing him.
Well, all of you have excelent points, and I'd agree with most of them.
And yes, I do appreciate what he does for me, and I can only hope for him, it's the same.
I'll try to be myself, but it's easier said then done, and I do try to ask him, but this is where I run in to trouble.
*sigh*
If you cant ask him face 2 face, then show him the post and take it from there.
hmm don't why the harshness?
All the same, the person's seen the post, and perhaps it's my own foybles right now, but people should be so lucky to be asked this question.
I think I'd be honored.
well I think that if he is giving you signs that its not working or that you are not making him happy then talk. Communication is something ya gotta have to make it work. My girlfriend and I are going through similar situations and believe me if you don't talk about things and sit and wonder you will never know if it is you or him. Ask he will and should tell you his exact feelings if you 2 is ment to be.
communication's key, cuz if you don't have it, you'll never know if there's a problem.
Harshness? I was being honest
Yes, communication is the key in any relationship, but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm failing in some way.
He told me something that really hit home, and no matter how hard I try, it just won't go away. However, I do the best i can, and that's all I can do.
*sigh*